It's time to play the game

What game am I talking about you ask? Why it's the dating game of course.
When you start seeing someone new there are a number of rules you have to follow and to help me with this I found out an article by The Real People's Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng which gives her view on playing the game.

The "rules" and playing dating mind games with men by Yangki Christine Akiteng -

You've heard them - don't approach him first, don't flirt, don't look too friendly, don't pick up the phone when he calls, wait four days before you call him back, never ever accept spontaneous invitations, act like you're not interested, don't show him you like him, don't let him hold your hand until the third date, don't introduce him to your friends before he introduces you to his, if he's not ready to commit when you're ready dump him, never be friends with an ex, etc, etc.
Who follows these types of rules? What kind of man does a woman who follows these rules attract? Is it possible to sustain a loving relationship based on a calculating persona faking a busy life? What's so wrong with being an open, honest, vulnerable, pro-active real woman with her own mind, body and soul?
Every time we set up unrealistic, counter-productive and sometimes even ridiculous "rules" that assume that all men and all women react the same way to the same situation rather than that relationships are an interplay between two unique individuals, we set ourselves up for frustration, hurt and disillusion.
If all you attract is frustration, disappointment and hurt, change the way you approach dating and the way you relate to the opposite sex. Stop treating dating like a game or a necessary evil you have to endure (to get to heaven) and instead see it as a journey of self-discovery.
Take time to get to know yourself and work on the unhealthy residues from your past that may be driving your choices and actions, challenge yourself to do some of the things you're most afraid to do, meet people and allow others to get to know the real you, accept that life isn't always fair and things will not always go your way but that happens to everyone, don't take yourself too seriously and don't expect others to be perfect, be flexible, spontaneous and have fun! But most of all be authentically you.
Show that you're approachable, friendly, interested and interesting, intriguing, good company and relationship worthy.
If you're interested in a guy, let him know. If you want to go on a date with him, ask him out. If a guy asks you out and you want to go, do it. If you're not available, don't go. If you're not into him, sensitively let him know. If you really are into him but the relationship is not as hot as you want it to be, do something about it. If something is bothering you about the relationship, talk to him about it. If the relationship is falling apart at the seams, try to mend it. If he feels smothered, pressured or wants a little breathing space, give it to him without hard feelings. If you love him and want a second chance, give love a chance. If you don't feel he is the one for you or the relationship is toxic, end it.
I understand that the approach I promote is rather radical for some and have been told by a few people it is a "cultural thing". Surely openness, honesty, integrity, truthfulness, authenticity, sensitivity, fairness, thoughtfulness and self-respect can't just be a "cultural thing".
More like a "human thing" or a "love thing" to me. Unless of course, you have nothing much to offer in terms of a real fulfilling relationship, then maybe it makes sense to manipulate others into thinking you're who you're not.
But that's just my take (and maybe it's a "cultural thing"). If you want to play mind games, by all means, play on. But don't complain when the guys you attract using mind games are doing exactly the same thing you're doing.
In my opinion, if two people are okay playing mind games with each other, then they deserve each other. No tears.

So do you agree with Yangki's views? Are you ready to throw the rule book out the window and let your heart lead your head?

Soundtrack to my love life

A few months ago while listening to my IPod a song by Sheryl Crow came on that completely summed up the way I was feeling at the time.
And then yesterday the same thing happened again.
The album I have in my car at the moment is A Fine Mess by Kate Voegele and when track eight 'Talkin' Smooth' came on and I listened to the words it perfectly summed up what was going on with my love life at the moment.
Have a read of the lyrics and see if you have ever been able to relate to it.

How many times have you used that line?
Did you replace the last two dozen words with mine?
Is 'I love you baby', second nature by now?
'Cause it sounds awful rehearsed when the words leave your mouth.

I don't know why but it seems that I'm not the first to have heard this speech.
Is this a routine you just repeat?
'Cause I don't mean to presume that you don't love me like you say you do but you're gonna have to prove that you're true and not just talkin' smooth.

Your performance deserves an academy award.
And it's a double edged sword 'cause I sure feel adored.
But just between us I'd rather see you slip up.
Don't you know that it's those less than perfect words I can't get enough of.

Maybe I'm outta my head but I'm telling you baby that I've been misled.
So if the record's off well could you get it set?
I don't mean to presume that you don't love me like you say you do but you're gonna have to prove that you're true and not just talkin' smooth.

Well you've proven your charm is a crime.
Why don't you see the harm in relying on this disguise.
You're losing my with every little wink of the eye.

The end of my rope is slipping out of my hold so if you're clever you'd better do some damage control.
I don't know why it seems you've made a game of making a fool outta me and I did not sign up to be your tongue in cheek.

I don't mean to presume that you don't love me like you say you do but, you're gonna have to prove that you're true and you're not talkin' smooth.

So, so far on the soundtrack to my love life is:
#1 The First Cut is the Deepest - Sheryl Crow
#2 Talkin' Smooth - Kate Voegele
I wonder what will be next?
What would be on your soundtrack?

Overview of the year 2010

So the year 2010 has come to an end and if I had to sum it up in one word for this blog it would be "cheaters".
From the very start of the year celebrities and footballers came out of the wood work announcing their indiscretions.
Some came as a shock (Ronan Keating and Mark Owen) but some not so much (Ashley Cole).
But I think the one that upset me the most had to be John Terry.
As I said at the time, I am a Chelsea fan and as the captain of my team in my eyes he can do no wrong.
When it was announced he had an affair with his best friends ex-girlfriend his whole world came crashing down.
He lost his friend (remember the hand shake snub), his England captaincy and the respect of the nation.
His wife gracefully forgave me and hopefully this year will be better for him.
Ashley Cole however did not have such a forgiving wife, who after one too many claims of cheating, filed for divorce and the whole country applauded Cheryl Cole for giving him the boot.
But the end of the year saw the announcement of a royal wedding next year (an extra day off, hooray!) and hopefully everything will run smoothly for the pair.
Now the break through that this year has brought for me is I can finally say I am over my ex-boyfriend.
By the end of this year I realised that I had moved on and I have started to have feelings for someone else.
It has taken me more than two years but I can finally leave that part of my life behind me!