How do you break up with someone

Are you in a relationship you want to get out of but just can't seem to find the right words?
Well here are 10 top tips from authors Penny Isaacs and Sarah Lockett.

1. Let’s be friends.
How about this good perennial friendship line? This is nice but will do the job. It lets the other person down gently since they can cling on to the belief that they can always work their way back into your affections – for a few weeks anyway.

2. I feel we’re more like brother or sister.
Ditto. A nice innocuous porky pie. It’s kind of a compliment too, as you’re saying you feel really relaxed and at ease with this person.

3. I know you love Croydon/Watford/Bristol but I have decided to relocate somewhere else - possibly Hull, Land’s End or Belgium.
Ah the old relocation, relocation, relocation excuse. I (Penny) have always wondered about the ending of that classic film Brief Encounter when the character played by Trevor Howard, a doctor, who has not advanced past first base in his romance with a drippy housewife tells her he is leaving the country to work in South Africa. A likely story.

4. It’s not you, darling!
It’s not about you. You are perfect. I need to sort myself out on my own. This is perilously close to the old “It’s not you, it’s me” line, but actually, it may be absolutely true if you have met the right person at the wrong time. Make sure you emphasise what a heel you are for ditching this fabulous, fragrant person though, otherwise she will be tempted to let rip.

5. I’ll call you next week.
A slightly cowardly one this, although if things are not going smoothly you will both know this is a call which is never going to be made. But nevertheless it can soften the blow when your new ‘ex’ is staring into to the abyss of never hearing from you again.

6. Do you like these beeswax candles? I am going to give up all worthless worldly goods/cut down my carbon footprint to the bare minimum and devote myself to a simple life within a radius of 5 miles of home.
She/he will possibly run a mile - or hop to the nearest airport. Wear hessian sandals as you say it and chant under your breath.

7. Caravanning!
I hate the sun. Aren’t you bored with the South of France? I always fancied caravanning/spending long periods of time at a simple retreat in Wales without running water and no electricity! Here’s the cesspit digging tool – you don’t mind mucking in, do you?

8. Shall we go Dutch?
Having invited her/him to dinner.

9. I am really getting into Buddhist chants/medieval poetry/modern opera.
Few people would stick around to listen to these on a Saturday night.

10. I fancy your mother/father(!).
Slightly tongue in check so this is strictly a last resort for a pest who won’t take hints i.e. someone who has not taken on board your messages in 1-9 above.