Dreams explained

Ever woke up after a sexy dream and wondered what it could mean? Are you still in love with your ex? Do you fancy your boss?

I have found an article by Dr Pam Spurr that delves into the meaning of your sexy dreams to help with those unanswered questions.

How can you begin to interpret your dreams?

Think carefully about your dream images and they can make sense.

To help you decipher your dreams I've formulated the Dream (D.R.E.A.M.) Key technique:

D is for detail: think about which detail stood out most in your dream. Let's say there were snake-like things writhing all around you and they made you feel sexy. In a dream like this, such detail can represent your longing for sex. The writhing snake-like creatures represent your inner desires to have a man in your life.

R is for recognition: is there anything recognisable in your dream? Think through the dream images and whether your dream was set somewhere recognisable or featured someone you knew. The more recognisable features there are in your dream, the more it's based in reality. The less recognisable, the more your sleeping mind is trying to slowly reveal a message to you. And so it uses ‘veiled’ or unrecognisable symbolism to break a message slowly and subtly to you.

E is for emotion: think back to how you felt when you woke up and what was the most powerful emotion in your dream? Did you feel sexual excitement, anxiety, fulfilment, etc? That’s important as a guide to what your mind is trying to tell you. Let's say you're having sex in the dream, and you feel very anxious during the sex. That means your subconscious mind is trying to tell you that you need to face any inhibitions you might have.

A is for action/inaction: recall whether you're the one leading the action in your dream or if you're a passive observer - maybe watching someone else have sex. If you're an active participant in what's happening, it reveals that you want to assert yourself or recognise something about yourself - such as recognising that you'd quite like to experiment more in bed.

If you're passively watching other people do sexual things it symbolises that you're probably lacking sexual confidence or that you feel you're on the 'outside' in a sexual relationship.

M is for meaning: finally, if you think carefully about your dream can you guess the meaning? Our dreams are there to help us understand more about our deeper emotions and sometimes examining them reveals their meaning to our lives. So relax, think back to your dream, and be open-minded about what the symbolism from your sleeping mind was trying to tell you.

Three of the most common sex dreams and what they really mean:
1: Having hot ex-sex
It can be a big worry when you dream of having hot sex with your ex-partner, especially if you're with someone new. It can cause anxiety but I can reassure you that dreaming of sex with your ex is a really common sex dream.
A typical dream scenario: you dream that you're having passionate sex with your ex - usually in the same way - doing the same things - you would have done when together as if nothing has changed. If you're in a new relationship your new partner, or someone else, might walk in on you two in bed.
The hidden meaning? Trust me, such dreams don't necessarily mean you actually want sex with your ex. These dream symbols usually mean you're longing for something that you feel comfortable with and that's familiar to you. It might be that you feel a bit insecure in your new relationship so your sleeping mind takes you back to a time when you were comfortable.
Repetitive dreams involving sex with your ex can spell danger if they keep cropping up. Recurring dreams of this nature show that you're not over your ex, or that sex with your new partner isn’t as good as with your ex.

2: Having sex with someone of the same sex when you're not gay
Dreaming that you're having sizzling sex with someone of the same sex doesn't necessarily mean you're bi-curious. You might think it's extremely bizarre but believe me it’s common. Men in particular get anxious when they’ve dreamed about having sex with another man as they think it reflects on their sexuality - but this usually isn't the case.
A typical dream scenario: very often this type of sex dream occurs somewhere unfamiliar - they're usually not set in your own bedroom or home. You're also likely to dream that you're the passive participant and it's the other person who is in charge of the sex.
The hidden meaning? Such sex dreams are more about emotional and intimate curiosity generally, then a desire to try gay sex. It's one way for your subconscious mind to allow you to ‘let go’ and try something that's new. That's the reason why the setting is somewhere unknown as your sleeping mind’s hinting that you need to experiment more - and get out and do something different!
Often the hidden meaning is about being less inhibited in the bedroom. But, again, if this is a recurrent dream theme then it's very likely that deep down you’re bi-curious and you’d like to experiment with someone of the same sex.

3: Sex with a boss or colleague who you don't like or fancy
Having a sexy dream like this can completely mystify you. Why would you dream about having raunchy sex with a boss or someone else you don’t like?
A typical dream scenario: you probably find yourself in this person's office or in your office having sex. Often it's likely to be active sex and you end up on the desk, on the floor, or basically all over the place.
The hidden meaning? When you dream of sex with someone you don't like it's usually your subconscious mind telling you that you need to take control of the situation. These dreams are more about a ‘power struggle' and less likely to be about actual sex. In your dream life your sleeping mind gives you that control by having passionate sex with the person but crucially, in the way you want it.

So if you have had a dream that falls into any of the above categories take a look and find out what it could mean.

Chat up lines

Ever wonder how to strike up a conversation with someone when you spot them in a crowded room. Well here writers Penny Isaacs and Sarah Lockett give you the tips you need.

Your eyes connect across the crowded room/dancefloor/office.
That was the easy bit.
But now guys - do you want some advice on how to get to know her?
Whatever you say, the key point to remember is that women judge a great deal by eye contact and hate a shifty look.
Confident delivery is half the battle.
Do not stare at her figure even if it’s great.

1. Compliments
Keep them brief, and do not focus on her body or you will look desperate. 'You have nice earrings' will often do the job. ‘That’s a great top’ really means those are great boobs, and women know this.
2. Something off-the-wall outrageous!
‘Tell me, do you know how to change a wheel?’ If done with a cheeky smile this could just work. At least she will laugh or be intrigued.
3. A generous no-strings attached invitation.
‘Would you like a glass of champagne – we have a bottle open which we won’t get through.’ This shows you are classy (champers) and generous – win-win.
4. Literature
‘If you like that book you should try the second one in the trilogy.’ Only do this if you genuinely know the author – otherwise you will get caught out. If you haven’t read the book, you can always open with – ‘I was thinking about getting that book – what do you think of it?’ Ask an OPEN question – not one she can give a Yes/No answer to.
5. Family resemblances
‘Sorry, I had to do a double-take. You remind me so much of my beautiful sister Jane.’ If you don’t have a sister – use a friend’s name, but in case she ever meets the real Jane – make sure they do look somewhat alike. This is corny but sweet.
6. Help!
‘I don’t know you, but, as a woman, would you mind telling me if you would want this present that I have just bought for my mum?’ Your helpless male act will bring out the big softie in her. Who could resist rescuing you when you’re trying to do something nice for your Mum?
7. Fancy that!
‘What a coincidence. Didn’t I see you at the bus stop outside the cinema last week? You had a fantastic mohair coat which really looked unusual.’ Even if it wasn’t her, she will like the compliment and you will have to spend some time figuring out if it was her i.e. which film, which cinema etc… This gives you time for a few follow-up gambits.
8. Being the gent.
‘That case looks heavy. Can I help you take it off the carousel?’ These old-school manners always go down well, no matter how liberated the woman is. Who’s going to object to a bit of genuine courtesy?
9. On the train.
‘Do you know what time we get into Manchester?’….factual, unthreatening. But get in quick with a follow-up remark, a joke about the catering, the delightfully helpful staff or Network Rail’s ever-present engineering works, always timed to perfection.
10. In the wine bar.
‘They do a great Frascati/Sauvignon Blanc here, I’m going to get a glass – can I get you one while I am at it?’ A variation on ‘Can I buy you a drink?’ but no harm in that.
11. In the street/bus stop/pub.
‘I am looking for a really good Italian restaurant round here, any ideas?’ Again, unthreatening. She will probably give directions or be going that way herself, in which case…

Why not give these a try next time you see someone who takes your fancy!

Getting your heartbroken

Unfortunately when a relationship ends chances are you are going to get your heartbroken.

A year ago I got my heartbroken and it felt like the end of the world.

In fact I think I may have actually said: "I hate you for what you have done to me, you have ruined my life."

Looking back now I can't believe how dramatically I reacted. I was 20-years-old, how could my life have been ruined!

At the time it does seem like the end of the world, in my case it felt like the man that I loved had betrayed me and there was no coming back from that.

But over the past year I have come to realise that getting your heartbroken makes you stronger.

It is something that I think you have to go through, to make you realise all the good things that you have in your life and that being in a relationship isn't the be all and end all.

What is the true meaning of love and being in love?

You can often think you have fallen in love but how do you know what love is? I think that I have been in love before but how do I know when I have never experienced it before.
There are so many different types of love that is hard to define which one it is when you have found that special someone.
So to put a definition to the question I asked WikiAnswers: What is the true meaning of love and being in love?
And this is the answer that I got: Love isn't blind or deaf or dumb - in fact it sees far more than it will ever tell. It is going beyond yourself and stretching who you are for someone else. Being in love entails seeing someone as you wish they were: to love them is to see who they really are and still care for them. Love isn't bitter, but you can't have love without pain: sacrifice is the hallmark of love , the coin of love.
Being in love usually is used in a romantic sense when you meet your significant other transforming a normal relationship into a deeper one without further interest in others. Love means that you trust the person, would do anything for the person, know that person is with you through thick and thin, isn't afraid to be seen with you. make sure they treat you right.

How do you break up with someone

Are you in a relationship you want to get out of but just can't seem to find the right words?
Well here are 10 top tips from authors Penny Isaacs and Sarah Lockett.

1. Let’s be friends.
How about this good perennial friendship line? This is nice but will do the job. It lets the other person down gently since they can cling on to the belief that they can always work their way back into your affections – for a few weeks anyway.

2. I feel we’re more like brother or sister.
Ditto. A nice innocuous porky pie. It’s kind of a compliment too, as you’re saying you feel really relaxed and at ease with this person.

3. I know you love Croydon/Watford/Bristol but I have decided to relocate somewhere else - possibly Hull, Land’s End or Belgium.
Ah the old relocation, relocation, relocation excuse. I (Penny) have always wondered about the ending of that classic film Brief Encounter when the character played by Trevor Howard, a doctor, who has not advanced past first base in his romance with a drippy housewife tells her he is leaving the country to work in South Africa. A likely story.

4. It’s not you, darling!
It’s not about you. You are perfect. I need to sort myself out on my own. This is perilously close to the old “It’s not you, it’s me” line, but actually, it may be absolutely true if you have met the right person at the wrong time. Make sure you emphasise what a heel you are for ditching this fabulous, fragrant person though, otherwise she will be tempted to let rip.

5. I’ll call you next week.
A slightly cowardly one this, although if things are not going smoothly you will both know this is a call which is never going to be made. But nevertheless it can soften the blow when your new ‘ex’ is staring into to the abyss of never hearing from you again.

6. Do you like these beeswax candles? I am going to give up all worthless worldly goods/cut down my carbon footprint to the bare minimum and devote myself to a simple life within a radius of 5 miles of home.
She/he will possibly run a mile - or hop to the nearest airport. Wear hessian sandals as you say it and chant under your breath.

7. Caravanning!
I hate the sun. Aren’t you bored with the South of France? I always fancied caravanning/spending long periods of time at a simple retreat in Wales without running water and no electricity! Here’s the cesspit digging tool – you don’t mind mucking in, do you?

8. Shall we go Dutch?
Having invited her/him to dinner.

9. I am really getting into Buddhist chants/medieval poetry/modern opera.
Few people would stick around to listen to these on a Saturday night.

10. I fancy your mother/father(!).
Slightly tongue in check so this is strictly a last resort for a pest who won’t take hints i.e. someone who has not taken on board your messages in 1-9 above.

Seven common dating mistakes

Here are seven common dating mistakes we make brought to you by the author of 'Men are from Mars, women are from Venus' Dr John Gray.

Some of the most common blunders are:
1. Falling in love instantly
2. Mistakenly believing that a person will date with the same enthusiasm as they initially pursued
3. Pursuing more than you're being pursued
4. Not healing from old hurts and carrying this "baggage" into new relationships
5. Expecting that your date will be "different" with you than they were with their ex.
6. Not taking the time to get to honestly know someone BEFORE becoming intimate
7. Skipping dating stages -- going from attraction to intimacy to uncertainty
There are dating skills that can teach you to avoid these common blunders.
Unfortunately, what we see is that, until people learn to master these lessons, often they continue to repeat their patterns.
We understand that "Rome wasn't built in a day" and that it takes time to heal from old hurts and learn a new way to date.

Do you think this is where you might be going wrong or did you manage to avoid these blunders.
Let me know.

Speed Dating

Now this is something that I would only do for a laugh but people do seriously believe that this is where they will meet 'the one'.
The format of speed dating is the men move around the tables every five minutes and chat to the woman in front of them.
After looking into this form of dating I noted that when you arrive you are given a score card where after each 'date' you are asked to tick - date, friend and no thanks - and you also need to fill in your name and contact details.
You then hand this card into the host at the end of the evening who will then give your details out to anyone who has made a match with you.
It all seems a bit clinical to me but in a world where people are always on the go and find it difficult to meet new people this may be the only chance they get to meet someone new.
The best thing though about this event has to be the question suggestions on the score card.
These are supposed to help you along in finding whether this person is your perfect match.
Here are a few of my favourite suggestions -
1. Where and doing what would be your perfect holiday?
2. What is your favourite type of food and drink?
3. How would your friends describe you?
4. What type of music do you like?
5. What do you enjoy reading?
6. What sort of thing makes you laugh?
7. Who do you admire and why?
This next one has to be my personal favourite.
8. What is in your fridge?
And finally,
9. What is the craziest thing you have ever done?
Even on a regular length date if someone asked me what was in my fridge alarm bells would start to ring in my head.
I don't think this is the place to meet your one true love but I think I would like to give it a go, just to see what kind of people this form of dating appeals to.
Have you ever tried speed dating or is it something you might consider?
Let me know.

Should you stay friends with an ex - part 2

Back in February I asked the question - should you stay friends with an ex.
At the time I didn't have the answer but I can now reveal that it can be done!
Myself and my ex are still good friends and have recently got back from Download festival.
To be honest not a lot has changed in terms of our relationship - we have just taken away the boy and girl aspect and kept the friend part.
I do have to admit though it is a weird feeling to think that I have seen him naked - I can honestly say I don't look at any of my other friends and think that.
The good part of it is is that we don't pretend that we don't have a history and he doesn't pretend that he doesn't have a girlfriend.
He doesn't talk about all the time or anything like that but I asked him right from the beginning to not act like he is not with her.
And I also wanted to make sure she would be comfortable with us being friends before I let him back into my life.
So I think the key to staying friends with an ex is to just be as honest and up front as you can and to make sure that everyone involved is comfortable with the situation.

Eating out on a date

I don't what it is but when I am on a date I completely lose my appetite.
Now I am not saying that I am greedy but I can eat, I very rarely leave my food and I can normally always manage a dessert.
But put me in front of a male and I completely lose my appetite and become aware of what and how I am eating.
I discovered this last weekend when I ordered a pizza and after one slice I couldn't bare to eat anymore, out of guilt and embarrassment I managed to force down a few more but I still ended up leaving half!
This also lead me to find out that there are only two men (excluding family members) that I am completely and utterly comfortable eating in front of and that is my best friend and my ex boyfriend.
I don't care if they see me with pasta sauce all around my mouth or chocolate sauce on my forehead!
I am hoping that this phobia will disappear over time otherwise I am going to get hungry.

Forget men - it's robots who we should be loving!

Loughborough author Ariadne Tampion has explored robot love in her new book, Automatic Lover.
Ariadne's book describes the funny and engaging tale about a steamy love affair between a robot called HCR-238 and a woman.
Their love for each other is set in the future, complete with space ships and interplanetary travel.
The journey is documented from when they met and worked in each other's company to their eventual marriage.
It also challenges questions raised by their odd relationship.
The book is written in two separate episodes and is part science fiction and part romance.
Automatic Lover is £11.95 and published by Lulu.com.

Who should make the first move?

A couple of weeks ago two of my colleagues at the Echo took to the streets of Loughborough to find out if men are still expected to make the first move or are the roles slowly reversing.
Leon Sullivan and Melanie Willcocks met each other over the internet.
Leon said: "Men always make the first move but it would be nice if more women took the plunge and told us what they thought."
Melanie added: "I don't think enough women make the first move.
"A lot of women wait for the man.
"I think men can also pass it off if they are rejected by a woman while a woman is more likely to crawl away and hide in the toilet all night."
Loughborough University students Katja Nilsson and Catherine Clark said they would normally wait for the man.
Katja said: "It is just a thing we don't do because it is the guy's role to ask.
"We do try, we will try a cheeky grin or brush by them."
Catherine said: "I do think more women should be making the move otherwise you might be waiting a long time.
"I think it depends if you know them or not."
Rosie Young and Bob Shield think that we should keep to the tradition of men doing the chasing.
Rosie said: "I think it is their privilege, they should do it."
Bob agreed, he said: "Yes men should make the move because you have got to be a gentleman.
"If a woman made a move on a man he would run a mile."
However Katie Greenaway and Nathan Hallam say things should change.
Katie said: "I think men make the move because it is stereotypical and women wait for the men to ask.
"But I do think it should work both ways."
Nathan said: "I think they should do it as well, make us feel a bit more loved."
And Victoria Stonehouse is a girl who made her move.
She said: "I made the first move because I knew he wouldn't.
"Most women make the first move because men take so long in making a decision."
Her boyfriend Chris Jones said: "I think it depends how much you have had to drink.
"It give you more confidence to make a move then."
And finally Chris Casanova says that times are changing.
He said: "A lot has changed since I first started going out.
"Women are a lot more confident these days."
So what do you think? Should more women pluck up the courage and make their move or should tradition prevail and let the men do all the leg work.
Let me know!

Is reality love just a fantasy?

I don't think I am the only one who is not surprised that Katie Price and Peter Andre have split up.
Their three year and a half marriage is over after they fell in love in the jungle.
I don't want to be cynical about this because I'm sure people have but I don't think people can fall in love with each other after just a few weeks - especially not whilst being watched by millions.
How can you be yourself when you know you are being watched and analysed by people watching you.
I have to say I am not a believer in love at first sight.
To love someone you need to know all the good things and all the bad things about that person and still want to be with them.
And I just don't think this can be discovered after just a few weeks, it could take years.
Katie and Peter are just at the bottom of a long list of reality stars relationships that have run their course.
After reading about Katie and Peter's split another reality TV's stars marriage disaster keeps making an appearance - Chantelle and Preston.
I mean how did they ever think this was going to last.
I think Preston was the biggest fool in all of that.
I mean he left his fiancee for Chantelle to then be filing for divorce just a few months down the line.
On BBC One's The Dark Side Of Fame With Piers Morgan Chantelle said: "I don't think he ever took it seriously.
"I married him because I loved him, but Preston changed into a different person on our honeymoon."
No what happened was Preston became the person he always was but you had never seen that person because you had not known him for long enough.
He was just being the person he thought you wanted him to be.
People get together on reality shows because there is nothing better to do but I don't see how they can come out and announce they are in love.
I mean fair enough if they try and have a relationship for a few years and then it fails but I just don't understand those who declare their love for each other and jump head first into marriage.
It has disaster written all over it.

Statistics

Here are a few statistics about relationships that were published in the May edition of Marie Claire that will either make you feel better or worse about your status whether it is single, in a relationship or married.

70 per cent - the chance of a woman in her thirties with children meeting a new partner within five years.

19 per cent - the probability of meeting a new partner through mutual friends.

27 per cent - the percentage of wives in a match.com survery who made the first move in their relationship.

1/3 - the proportion of couples who start cohabiting without discussing their future.

5 times a fortnight - the frequency with which new couples argue.

1 in 3 - the number of couples who share the remote.

1 in 10 - the amount of couples who row within 15 miutes of getting into a car.age

5 to 1 - the ratio of positive to negative comments made in successful relationships.

2 1/2 - the average number of hours couples spend together each day (including weekends).

42 per cent versus 17 per cent - the amount of women who do all the housework compared with men.

4 years - the stage of a relationship at which there is a clear dip in happiness.

23 per cent - the chance of getting married at 40.

These statistics are taken from Love by Numbers by Dr Luisa Dillner.
A book which looks at relationships with a scientific view.
Let me know if you fit it any of these statistics or if you are worried that one day you might be one of them.

Date Ideas

Have you been in a relationship for a while now and getting tired of the traditional dinner and a movie?
Or do you want an original idea for a first date?
If you answered yes to one of theses questions then here are a few ideas I found on about.com to inject a bit of originality into a traditional concept.

1: Amusement Park - Roller coasters, cotton candy and anti-gravity machines are a riot no matter who you are with, so bring a date and explore the merry-go-rounds, old fashioned photos, tilt-a-whirls, and water rides together.
- This is one that I would like to try, especially because I have got a 2-4-1 voucher for Alton Towers!

2: Arcade - Your favorite old school hangout may offer an inexpensive yet entertaining way to get to know someone better.
Most arcades today offer a wide variety of games to play both new and old, providing the opportunity to run a space mission together, whack-a-mole, or even duke it out Mortal Kombat style.
An added bonus is when you trade in your arcade tokens for a prize at the end of the night that your date can take home to remember the occasion.

3: Bowling - It may sound like a typical date idea, but when is the last time you went bowling? Many alleys now offer night bowling events specially geared towards dating couples such as laser bowling or singles leagues.
Rent a pair of shoes, let the scoring machine do all of the hard work, and see who can strike out first.

4: Comedy / Improv - If breaking the ice is a concern with your date, a comedy show or improv group may offer a solution.
Spending the evening together laughing at the live antics in front of you can be a bonding experience, and you’ll have plenty to talk about in between acts and after the show.

5: Dinner Theatre - An interactive murder mystery-type dinner theatre show is the perfect second or third date get-together.
This way, you can interact with each other while participating first-hand in a memorable date neither will soon forget.

6: Interpretive Center - Depending on where you live will determine what kind of interpretive center you will have access to, but most cities and towns have at least one to choose from, such as a duck sanctuary, fur trading camp, salmon spawning center, wetland interpretive center or natural hot springs.

7: Planetarium - Not every town has a planetarium, but if yours does it is a fantastic place to hold hands, sit in the dark and explore the universe around you.
Some also host weekend star-gazing events, where tour guides will show you and your date how to spot the major constellations.
Then, use this information for a romantic date later on down the road – just the two of you on your balcony or in a park, trying to find the big dipper together.

There are just a few to get the ball rolling, if you have any other ideas why not send me an email at shelley_marriott@hotmail.co.uk.

Learn to be a great flirt

Sticking with the theme of being new age women and us doing all the leg work to get our man why not check out this book, Super Flirt by Tracey Cox, which will teach you all you need to know about how to be a good flirt.
The book is filled with Tracey's personal tips and anecdotes and takes the reader through the fundamentals of body language, then shows you how to express the messages you want to send and how to read what other bodies are saying to you.

How to ask a man out

In these modern times it is now acceptable for the women to ask out the men - if you think you are brave enough.
To be honest I still think it should be the job of the man to do the asking but I think that comes down to fear of rejection.
If they have asked you then at least you know they are interested.
But that being said this is the 21st century so why shouldn't women be allowed to ask.
Here is an article I found on msn.com that gives us women some tips on how to pluck up the courage and ask that important question.

How To Ask A Man Out by Bob Strauss

There’s no easy way to phrase this without provoking a barrage of “What are you, crazy?” emails, but here’s my theory: By the time she hits 20, even the shyest, mousiest, most un-Katie-Holmes like waif has developed at least a basic strategy for fending off (or responding to) unsolicited come-ons by eager men.
But unless a bloke happens to look like Colin Farrell, he can persist well into his 40’s without once having been — flatly, out of the blue — asked out on a date, (after that, the odds tend to shift, as those handsome, hard-driving captain-of-industry types die off or get married, resulting in a surplus of on-the-prowl single women. Have I offended anyone yet?)
Anyway, whatever the explanation, the fact is that single women are more accustomed to being asked out, and single men are more accustomed to doing the asking—which means there’s not a lot of data out there about how men like to be approached for a first date.
With an eye toward correcting this imbalance, here are my observations about the best way to hit on a bloke, whether it’s someone you work with, someone you’ve met online, or someone you’ve just bumped into the back of at a busy intersection.

Be direct - Men are complete idiots (being a man myself, I mean this in the nicest possible way). In your own mind, you may think you’re being absolutely, unmistakably clear about your intentions when you ask that adorable bloke in the next cubicle if he’d like to grab some Thai takeout for lunch, whereas he’s probably thinking something like “Thai... cool. I’m hungry.”
Ask a man out the way he’d ask you out, “Would you like to have dinner tonight?” is fairly hard to misinterpret, and “Would you like to come over to my place tonight and I’ll cook you dinner?” is even harder to misinterpret (though don’t put it past him to think something like, “Wow, that’s nice of her. She must have some salmon that’s about to spoil.”)

Be indirect - Well, OK, here’s another approach to try, remember how, back in primary school, you’d ask your mate to ask her sister if that fit boy in her class was seeing anyone?
This technique works well in adult life, too, the fact is, most guys were deeply unpopular in primary school and will be flattered to have your friends do some advance scouting (just make sure your messenger isn’t on the market herself, lest you wind up creating some form of love triangle).
Really, there are worse things than having a friend go fishing on your behalf with a, “Hey, are you seeing anyone now...? I know someone who thinks you’re fit...”
Note to guys: Based on my experience, this approach doesn’t work with grown-up women, who’d rather you did your own legwork.

Come up with a plan - Choose between the following two conversations.
Conversation A: You, to that fit guy in the gym: “Um, do you think you’d... maybe like to... go out sometime?” Fit guy in the gym, to you: “Um... yeah... maybe we can do something... sometime.” Conversation B: You, to that hot bar tender in your local pub: “Hey, The Feeling is doing a gig tonight at that new bar in the town centre. Would you like to go?” Hot bar tender, to you: “Sounds good!”
Get the point?

Don’t come on too strong - I’ll spare you the Freudian mumbo-jumbo about how, deep down, men are actually scared of women, and their subconscious minds will transform an ostensibly breezy come-on (“Alright mate! How about I treat you to a beer and a kebab?”) into a screaming nightmare about some woman in a caftan chasing them with a pair of oversized scissors.
It’s unfair, I agree, but the way society is set up, men are much better able to get away with confident-bordering-on-arrogant bluster than women are.
Be nice; use a gentle voice; smile.
Approach the object of your desire as you would a timid bunny rabbit.

Don’t over-plan - It’s only in TV Sitcoms that men hire skywriters and three-piece mariachi bands to announce their interest in sexy, yet clueless, flatmates.
So don’t feel you should follow that tradition.
Red Arrow flybys may be out of your price range, but even a gimmick as innocent-seeming as a homemade chocolate muffin accompanied by a written invitation is overdoing it... and may set off a man’s Fatal Attraction radar.
And you don’t have to invite the man out for much more than some liquid refreshment.
Just ask, plain and simple, the same way you’d ask for directions to the ladies’ room.
“Would you like to have a cup of coffee/get a drink sometime?” will work just fine.
Frankly, most of us are so flattered that you’d request our company that we’re delighted to oblige.

So if you are feeling brave and don't seem to be getting any signals from that guy that you like, why not give this new approach a go?
It might just be what you need.

Want to get back together with your ex?

So you have just split up with your boyfriend/girlfriend and all you want is to get them back then here is the way - http://www.breakuprepair.com/.
This is a website that tells you exactly how to win back your ex.
All you have to do is log on and you will receive all the information you need to get back with the one you love.
You will receive videos, articles, read success stories and top tips!
I have to admit that I think this is a load of old rubbish and if you want to get back with an ex then a website isn't the way to go about it.
But if you have exhausted all your efforts - why not take a look.

Finding Love Online

How do you find love in this day and age?
Trying to balance work, family and friends, it amazes me that anyone has the time to go out and look for Mr Right.
But it seems that I have been going about this all wrong and should actually be staying at home in front of my computer to find love.

In an article on www.telegraph.co.uk it says that one in four British people are dating – or have dated – someone they met through online community websites.
And over a third have got back in touch with an old flame through the sites.
One in 10 have even gone a step further and had an affair or a one-night stand with someone they met via a social networking site.
A poll of 3,000 20 to 40-year-olds was taken by www.OnePoll.com which revealed that almost half (46 per cent) believe it’s now easier to meet someone through social networking sites than in the flesh.
And 57 per cent of those admitted they are more confident communicating with a potential suitor online.
Over a third (39 per cent) said they preferred the method as it enabled them to get to know someone before actually meeting them.
And 27 per cent felt using social networking sites cut down the time to find love compared to having to having to meet prospective partners face to face.
Yet 44 per cent agreed it’s now considered “cooler” to find love via online community sites than traditional means.
This could explain why over a quarter surveyed confessed to purposely uploading nice pictures of themselves in the hope that potential love interests will spot their profile.
And three quarters of Brits believe there are fewer stigmas attached to meeting a love-match via Facebook, Friends Reunited or Bebo than normal internet dating websites like match.com.

So instead of getting glammed up on a Saturday night for a night on the town, you can just sit in front of the TV with your laptop and find that special someone.

Valentine's Day

Now being single I was hoping to be able to avoid this day altogether this year but this being a relationship blog it is really unavoidable.
Valentine's Day is when ladies are showered with chocolates and flowers - and so we should be.
But what if this is all you get every year, why not try something a little different this year.
To give you a few ideas for an alternative gift for St Valentine's Day this year here is something I found on The Times newspaper's website.

14 alternative Valentine’s day presents from The Times.

1. The word love: Love is up for auction on eBay. The word love that is. The highest bidder receives a personal dedication next to the word in a special edition of the Collins’ Dictionary and ‘ownership’ of the word for a year. A romantic escape to a boutique hotel is also thrown in. http://www.adoptaword.com/love. Proceeds go to children’s charity I CAN

2. A Scratch ‘n Sniff Cinema evening: Smell-o-vision goes one better at a screening of The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover in London’s Newburgh Quarter by online art collective Jotta and bespoke jelly makers Bombas and Parr. Couples get special scratch ‘n sniff cards infused with scents from key moments of Peter Greenaway’s film (rotting meat, dusty books) to watch the film at this one-day-only event. Guests will sip specially commissioned aphrodisiac cocktails and nibble “surprise” treats (although not as surprising as the gangster’s final meal in the film, we hope). The screenings are sold out, but we have a pair of tickets reserved to give away to Times Online readers. Email ben@jotta.com to enter the drawing on Friday the 13th at 11am.

3. A kiss (from you) suspended over an air machine: Give your lover an extra thrill by booking a session in the ‘tunnel of love’ – a wind tunnel in Milton Keynes. You can pretend to be skydiving without having to jump out of a plane and attempt to kiss mid-air which may or may not be more difficult than it looks in the picture on the website. £ 69.99 for two

4. A personalised machete: This is either a bit grizzly or edgily alternative – you decide. Hurry - before they all sell-out (really)! www.elizabethmcgrath.com/store-handmade.php

5. A tree: Combat the bunch of roses cliché by buying the object of your affections a tree, delivered straight to their door. Just avoid saying something like ‘let our love grow’ in the accompanying card. Prices from £9.99. www.tree2mydoor.com

6. Adopt a book: a romantic gesture, if you pick your title wisely. Pick up St Valentine’s pocket book from 1867 or a Midsummer Night’s Dream from 1901. Prices range from £25 to £500 www.bl.uk/adoptabook

7. Chocolate corset: It is chocolate, but this laced-up corset-style box contains a giant heart and is quirky, not cheesy. www.hotelchocolat.co.uk

8. Rose bud tea: When a bunch of flowers is too run of the mill, rosebud tea comes to the rescue – and tastes delicious. Antique Rose tea, £17.02 www.choitime.com

9. Massage Masterclass: A bit more original than the usual spa voucher, the spa at Chancery Court are offering a masterclass for couples, who learn tricks of the trade from a holistic therapist. It costs £300, but lasts 1hr 50 minutes and includes a massage from the therapist as well as an ESPA gift pack. www.spachancerycourt.com

10. Heart-shaped frying pan: Breakfast in bed has never been so kitsch. The idea is to buy the pan then offer to cook eggs for your partner, thus avoiding the awkward ‘you bought me a kitchen implement, how romantic’ chat. £5 from Cancer Research www.giftshop.cancerresearchuk.org

11. Lips video game: True love is listening to your lover warble along to Mariah Carey. And with this game they can. http://www.amazon.co.uk/

12. Treat your dog to a Harrods food tasting: For £10 you can treat the only person in your life you can really count on, as long as that person is your dog. Your pet will be able to taste the delights of Lily’s ‘proper’ pet food. We’re told: “Harrods don’t usually let dogs into the store, except for coat fittings,” so don’t miss the opportunity. Besides, aren’t fellow dog-lovers perfect to date?

13. Something from notmassproduced.com: Surely the definition of alternative, you won’t find any of these gifts in your local House of Fraser www.notmassproduced.com

14. Lunch in Paris via private jet: In this economy, what could run more counter to the make-do-and-mend mindset than organising a romantic meal in Paris, flown in by private jet? For employees of banks that have received billions from the government, the bonus ought to cover the cost easily. Prices start from £500 www.bookajet.com.

Well that was a bit for the loved up people out there.
I am spending this year at a gig with my friend and not giving boy's a thought - unless I meet someone while I am out, you never know!

Should you stay friends with an ex?

Should you do it?
Well, up until recently I would have said, no way, just try and move on.
But now I'm not so sure.
When I first split up with my ex we said that we would stay friends, but that was mainly because we had tickets to Leeds festival and neither of us were willing to give those up.
But as soon as we had been there, I just found it too difficult to be his friend because I couldn't bear the thought of him with anyone else.
So we agreed to call it quits and not see each other anymore.
And my ex stuck to that for a couple of weeks but then he started getting in touch again and it was great and we chatted on the phone for hours as if nothing had changed.
But then I found out he was with someone and I cut him out of my life again, which I thought this time was for good.
But after all this bad weather we have been having, he called me up the other day because he had been stressing about me driving in the snow!
And he asked me if we could be friends.
Now, I haven't seen him since August - except for the odd few times when I have driven past him in my car so I am thinking it might be nice to have a good catch up.
But at the same time, I don't want to end up right back where I started.
So, in answer to the title of this post...I will let you know because I still don't have the answer!

He's Just Not That Into You

This is the film for single girls everywhere.
Men have been described to me as simple, but I want to argue otherwise.
Or maybe I just over think things and they really are the simple beings they claim to be.
This new film, released February 6, is filled with women with the same view as me. That men are confusing and complicated.
This film looks at the signals men give women - when they say they will call and don’t, when they say they really like you but won’t commit and this film is for all the times you have sat by the phone, willing it to ring and it doesn’t.
This film tells it like it is - maybe he is just not that into you.
It might be a harsh reality but coming to this conclusion could save you a lot of time waiting for him to call when you could be out looking for the next one.
So grab your single friends and spend Valentine’s Day with the person you love the most - yourself!
To find out more why not check out the trailer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpusqxxVq34

21 and single

So I turned 21-years-old this week and I had a little panic.
This time last year I was with the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with and now I have got to start all over again.
So after I had calmed down, I decided I needed to come up with a plan so that this didn't happen on every birthday, Valentine's Day and Christmas until I finally get myself a new boyfriend.
So I decided that I have four years to find myself someone who is husband material!
As long as I am with someone by the time I am 25 then everything else should slot into place.
Because I don't want to get married until I am least 30 so that will give me five years with this guy - whoever he may be!
So with all that decided I can now relax and start looking for Mr Right.
Three years and 360 days to go.